One of the best way to keep your mind calm and relax

Exercise for getting into a great emotional state and vibration:
Take 30 Seconds right now and close your eyes, take a couple of deep breaths and just think about how blessed you are and all the things you can be grateful for! 
Think about your life, your health, your family and all the amazing things we can sometime take for granted.

by Law Of Attraction

Long sitting kills!

DID you know? 
sat for more than 6 hours each day had a 37% increased risk of premature death (http://www.prevention.com/fitness/fitness-tips/how-sitting-too-much-could-shorten-your-life)

here are some seating alternatives.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/24/sitting-at-work-why-its-dangerous-alternatives_n_1695618.html

Foods that ease the pain of Muscles and Joint

Chris Gardner speech 2007 (playlist)

Relationship~ Marriage Advice/ Couple advice

Marriage Advice: 7 Relationship Tips to Get the Love You Want

1. Build up your love balance. Boredom, frustration and everyday irritations can douse the spark between you and your spouse—and more of the same certainly won’t feed the flame. Making the good stuff your top priority will. Here’s how to do it: 

First, consider that it takes up to 20 positive statements to outweigh the harm done by one negative one—or by a steely squint or impatient “humph.” So do more of the former, less of the latter. Compliment your wife on her new shoes, or your husband on his new blue shirt. Thank him for helping around the house. Dial her office for a quick “thinking of you” check-in (don’t discuss household chores or bad report cards).

Be sure these compliments and thank-yous are heartfelt and specific: “I can always count on you to make sure my car is safe and ready to use.” “This new tablecloth is nice—you’re always thinking of ways to make our home pleasant.” Make eye contact when you smile or deliver a compliment. Try a little joyful noise (a happy sigh, say) when giving a loving touch.

Once you take this approach, you’ll realize that, in addition to knowing how to push Mr. or Mrs. Right’s hot buttons, you know how to push his or her joy buttons too (and we don’t just mean sex). After all, that’s how this whole thing started. It won’t be long before you appreciate that it’s always the right time for small acts of love. Give him a “glad to see you” hug and kiss when you get home. Surprise her with coffee in bed on a rainy Sunday (then stay to talk). Revel in the best qualities; let faults slide. Flash your “I’m so happy we’re here together” smile as you schlep the recycling bin to the curb. Resolve to enjoy a long kiss before you turn in each night. You do little things for your kids. Why not for your spouse?

How to form a tighter bond 
2. Reach out. Human touch aids the release of feel-good endorphins, for giver and receiver. So link arms as you walk into the grocery store. Brush her cheek with your fingertips when you smooch good morning. Revive the ways you touched in the early days—a kiss on the back of the ear, a hand through her hair. Touch is a complex language. It pays to improve your vocabulary.

Adding more of this kind of touch will help you build a fortress of love. That’s important, because a couple who form a tight unit can weather any storm (and are better able to stave off infidelity). How do you build this bond? First, support your soul mate. Take his or her side whenever possible if trouble arises in the “outside world.” Keep your spouse’s secrets to yourself, even when everyone at work spills theirs. Except in a true emergency, don’t let anything interrupt “us” time. That’s what voice mail and bedroom-door locks are for.

Speaking of “us” time: Make a commitment to spend up to 30 minutes a day chatting with each other about everyday plans, goals and, yes, dreams. One rule: no household-management or “what about our relationship” talk. This is time to build a friendship. Studies show that being friends pays off over time, ensuring a closer, sexier union. And don’t forget to make time for intimacy, even if you must log it in your day planner. Schedule sex? Absolutely, if necessary. Spontaneity is great, but if either of you hungers for affection or physical love, don’t wait for that special moment.

Another thing you shouldn’t wait for: chances to celebrate success. Super Bowl victors. World Series champs. Gold-medal skiers. They all have one thing in common: When they win, they party. And even small victories deserve recognition. If your marriage is humming along, that alone is worth celebrating. Dine out where you proposed. Or book a midwinter-deal trip to Paris. You’ve earned it.

The one thing you can do to make change happen

3. Remember—nobody’s perfect. It’s tempting to blame your spouse when you feel angry, disappointed, bored, betrayed or stressed out about your marriage. Then it’s a short hop to seeing your mate as the one who must change for the marriage to improve.

That’s a cop-out. Trying to improve your spouse puts him or her on the defensive and casts you in a dreary role. The result? Nobody changes. Nobody takes responsibility. Everyone is unhappy. And making your spouse the bad guy means ignoring the 90 percent of him or her that’s good.

The true fix: Change yourself. When you address your own flaws and seek the best in your spouse, magic happens. Optimism increases. Your spouse feels better because he or she feels appreciated, not chastised. And you both feel motivated to change in ways that lead to even more joy.

One tip to help get you thinking this way: Adopt the Japanese philosophy of imperfection, wabi sabi (“wah-bee sah-bee”), which applies well to real-life love. Next time your guy or gal does something annoying, take a breath, mutter “wabi sabi” and remind yourself that his or her intentions are good, even if the execution isn’t. At the same time, don’t ignore what’s good in your spouse. Each day this month, pick something, big or small, that you like about him or her. Then name it. For example: “My wife is thoughtful” or “My husband makes me laugh.” Then think of a specific act that backs it up: “She brushed the snow off my windshield last week.” “If I’m feeling blue, he’ll joke me out of it.”

Finally, honor your own imperfections. Sometimes we blame ourselves for all that’s off kilter in our marriage. Too much guilt can paralyze. So, think of qualities you value, tell yourself you have them and think up real-world examples. “I am loving and kind—I gave my spouse the last cookie yesterday.” “I am honest—I tell her what I’m really thinking.”

 How to unlock more happiness

4. Add some zing. The classic advice experts give to singles seeking a perfect match: Be “the one” to attract “the one.” Same goes in marriage. The happier you feel, the happier your marriage will be, and the easier it will be to manage conflicts. If 15 minutes of morning yoga, a switch to decaf, or a new hobby gives you a relaxed zing, the good feelings can’t help but lead to happier, richer moments together.

Meanwhile, admit it: You used to fuss over your hair and obsess over the sexiest item to wear to bed. Now, it’s stained sweats and a ratty Rolling Stones T-shirt. Time to spruce up your look. Comb that mane, brush those teeth and throw on a new robe. Feeling good about the way you look makes your eyes sparkle. You’re more likely to make eye contact. That sends a spark to your spouse. You know what to do next!

The best way to fight with each other 

5. Always fight fair. Conflict is a normal, even healthy, part of any marriage. What’s important is how you handle it. In a Florida study of longtime couples, joint problem-solving ability was cited as a key factor for 70 percent of satisfied pairs; just 33 percent of unsatisfied couples had mastered this skill. With the right tools and attitude, conflict becomes a gateway to deeper intimacy—the chance to be seen and loved for who you truly are, to accept your mate’s adorable, vulnerable real self, and to build a strong union without caving in or silently seething.

First, steer clear of criticism, confrontation and hostility. They’re like gas on a fire. University of California researchers who followed 79 couples for more than a decade found that early divorcers fought long and loud and were always on the attack—or the defensive. Happy couples, on the other hand, avoid verbalizing critical thoughts, keep discussions from escalating, and don’t use absolutes like “never” and “always.”

If a fight does start, try to change the subject, inject gentle humor, empathize or show your spouse extra appreciation. Too late? Call a truce, walk away and cool off for a while.

How to know when to take on tough issues

6. Pick the right time and place. Don’t start potentially tough talks if you’re not well rested and well fed. Hunger and fatigue can unleash nasty remarks and dark thoughts. Ban booze for the same reason. Save it for when you’ve achieved detente. That’s worth a toast.

Don’t ever try to deal with serious marital issues if you’ve got one eye on something else. Turn off the TV, the phone, the laptop. Close the catalog.

If you’re distracted or going out the door, pick another time to talk. You can’t resolve conflicts on the fly.

Remember, too, that how you handle these situations doesn’t just affect you. Is the conversation G-rated? Will it end happily? If not, stop and reschedule for when the kids aren’t around. When they are, keep things respectful and productive. Research shows that children thrive (and absorb good relationship skills) when parents resolve issues constructively, but develop insecurities and behavior problems when exposed to hopeless shoutfests.

The single-most powerful step you can take to keep your marriage solid

7. Open your ears. The single most powerful step you can take to keep a marriage solid? Speak less and listen more. Blame, insults, criticism and bullying predict a bad end, or at least a living hell. When talk turns combative, don’t interrupt, offer a solution or defend yourself too soon. When feelings are at issue, they need to be heard. So nod, rephrase or provide a soft “um-hum” to show you honor the emotions behind the words. Sometimes, all we really need to do to feel closer to someone is pay closer attention to what it is that they’re saying.

Read more: http://www.rd.com/advice/relationships/marriage-advice-relationship-tips/#ixzz2dpA2Bfwb

Communication skills~ Think before you speak

Photo source :)

Ideas for life~

Photo source :)

By nature, men are nearly alike; by practice, they get to be wide apart

http://shamada.net/weblog/rongo/archives/2010/04/

By nature, men are nearly alike; by practice, they get to be wide apart

Life Has Three Rules: Paradox, Humor, and Change

Sources of Insight

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Life Has Three Rules: Paradox, Humor, and Change Posted: 21 Jul 2013 10:58 AM PDT “If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is.” – Unknown Mindfulness is the art of staying aware and paying close attention to the here and now with interest and curiosity. Or, at least, that’s how I think about it at this stage of the game. If you’re practicing mindfulness, three rules from Peaceful Warrior can help.  In Peaceful Warrior, Socrates shares three rules of life with Dan. It goes like this … Life has three rules: Paradox, Humor, and Change. Paradox: Life is a mystery; don’t waste your time trying to figure it out. Humor: Keep a sense of humor, especially about yourself. It is a strength beyond all measure Change: Know that nothing ever stays the same. I’m a fan of simple sets of three, and I like this set. I believe you can create more meaningful moments when you embrace the rules.  For example you can apply the rules to how you think and act in the moment, by shifting your mindset or your focus or your approach. Here’s how I think about the three rules and put them into action … Rule #1 – Paradox We can waste our time trying to figure out some aspect of life when there’s nothing to figure out.  Or, we try to figure it all out up front, only to find out we got it all wrong, or that things change under our feet.  Or, we forget that, it will come to us when it needs to (“when the student is ready, the teacher will appear.”). Most importantly, we miss out on the journey … The journey of life. Life is inconsistent.  Life changes under your feet.  Life doesn’t go as planned.  Things happen.  Don’t try to figure it all out up front. Instead, embrace the journey as it unfolds both the mystery and the opportunity. Rule #2 – Humor Whether it’s work or whether it’s life, find a way to play with it.  You’ll be kinder and gentler to yourself, and, as a result, kinder to others.  It helps you build compassion, ease the stress, and acknowledge that in any situation, there’s a lighter side that, if you can find it, will help you keep things in perspective. And, most importantly, enjoy the journey, a moment at a time. Rule #3 – Change Holding onto something is often what holds you back.  It’s the often the shift that makes the difference.  Whether that means look with a new lens, lean into the challenge, or learn to let go, you can make more from your moments when you embrace change. Act in the Present If the past and the future are illusions of the mind, the present is the moment to act in.  The past and the present only have power over you if you let them.  Here’s what Dan Millman says about taking action: “Action always happens in the present, because it is an expression of the body, which can only exist in the here and now. But the mind is like a phantom that lives only in the past or future. It’s only power over you is to draw your attention out of the present.” You Are This Moment One thing to keep in mind is that you get to redefine your moments.  Here’s another famous take from Peaceful Warrior, where Socrates reminds Dan to make the most of his moments: Where are you? …. HERE. What time is it? … NOW. What are you? … THIS MOMENT. If you don’t get hung up by the mystery of life, develop your sense of humor, and embrace change, you can make more moments that matter and you can take your mindfulness to new levels.

Communication Skills~ 5 Tips To Improve Your Public Speaking - How To Speak Professionally

 Real Men Real Style

Leadership~ by Barack Obama

Inspiration~ Warren Buffett Shares His Most Essential Advice For Generation Y

NEWS source

by SEAN LEVINSON • MAY 8, 3:10PM

Warren Buffett Shares His Most Essential Advice For Generation Y

Warren Buffett assumed the role of mentor to the youth yesterday when he gave networking and career advice in an “Office Hours” session with Levo League, a site aimed to assist youngsters in making their dreams come true.

The Berkshire Hathaway CEO shared personal stories about his fear of public speaking, and notably told women to “stop holding yourself” back.

Here’s 9 points Buffett highlighted as some of the most important steps to follow on the path to success:

1. Find your passion.

“Never give up searching for the job that you’re passionate about,” he says. “Try to find the job you’d have if you were independently rich. … Forget about the pay. When you’re associating with the people that you love, doing what you love, it doesn’t get any better than that.”

2. Be careful who you admire.

“If you tell me who your heroes are, I’ll tell you how you’re gonna turn out. It’s really important in life to have the right heroes. I’ve been very lucky in that I’ve probably had a dozen or so major heroes. And none of them have ever let me down. You want to hang around with people that are better than you are. You will move in the direction of the crowd that you associate with.”

3. Learn how to communicate effectively.

While getting his MBA from Columbia University, Buffett revealed that he was “terrified of public speaking,” causing him to withdraw from a Dale Carnegie class. But after graduating he saw the ad for the course again and decided to give himself a second chance.

“I became associated with the 30 other people in the class. We couldn’t stand up in front of a group and say our own name. I mean it was — we were — it was pathetic. But that class changed my life in a big way.”

4. Develop healthy habits by studying people.

“Pick the person that has the right habits, that is cheerful, generous, gives other people credit for what they do. Look at all of the qualities that you admire in other people … and say to yourself, ‘Which of those qualities can’t I have myself?’ Because you determine whether you have them. And the truth is you can have all of them.”

5. Learn how to say “no.”

“You won’t keep control of your time, unless you can say ‘no.’ You can’t let other people set your agenda in life.”

6. Don’t work for someone who won’t pay you fairly.

“I do very little negotiation with people. And they do little with me, in terms of it … if I was a woman and I thought I was getting paid considerably less than somebody else that was equal coming in, that would bother me a lot. I probably wouldn’t even want to work there. I mean, [if] somebody’s gonna be unfair with you, in salary, they’re probably being unfair with you in a hundred other ways.”

7. Become involved with growing businesses.

“I mean, you want to get on a train that’s going to go 90 miles an hour and not one that’s gonna go 30 miles an hour and you’re gonna try to figure out how to, you know, push it along a little faster. So it really does make a huge difference. And there are some businesses that inherently [have] far more opportunities than others.”

8. Learn everything you can about your industry.

Buffett says he reads for six hours every day because he believes that growing your intellectual capacity will help you solve problems more effectively.

“I knew a lot about what I did when I was 20. I had read a lot, and I aspired to learn everything I could about the subject. “

9. Young women should seek mentors.

“These [mentoring] relationships all just evolve. I never set out to become a mentor … It’s amazing … how the person that really wants to do a terrific job just jumps out. There aren’t that many. You will be perceived as exceptional and as a worthy person for a superior to spend some extra time with if you just do something extra all the time. It seems elementary, but it’s true.”

At the end of the interview, Buffett reminded everyone to keep getting up after all falls because “you are healthy, and bright and have decades ahead of you.”

Right attitude~ As long as you keep trying!

Photo source :)

Self Development~ How to look for solution?

Recommended Books~ Showing Up for Life

Showing Up for Life

Book Description:

A heartfelt, deeply personal book, Showing Up for Life shines a bright light on the values and principles that Bill Gates Sr. has learned over a lifetime of “showing up”—lessons that he learned growing up during the Great Depression, and that he instilled in his children and continues to practice on the world stage as the co-chair of the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation.

Through the course of several dozen narratives arranged in roughly chronological fashion, Gates introduces the people and experiences that influenced his thinking and guided his moral compass. Among them: the scoutmaster who taught him about teamwork and self reliance; and his famous son, Trey, whose curiosity and passion for computers and software led him to ultimately co-found Microsoft. Through revealing stories of his daughters, Kristi and Libby; his late wife, Mary, and his current wife, Mimi; and his work with Nelson Mandela and Jimmy Carter, among others, he discusses the importance of hard work, getting along, honoring a confidence, speaking out, and much more.

Showing Up for Life translates one man’s experiences over fourscore years of living into an inspiring road map for readers everywhere.

Praise

“Bill Senior is as wise as his son is brilliant. I’ve learned a lot from both of them and believe everyone can benefit from the insights Bill Senior shares in this book.”
—Warren Buffett

"Bill Gates Sr. is a wonderful example of what it means to be a global citizen, teaching us how we can work together for a more just and fair society."
former president Jimmy Carter

“Bill Gates Sr., does more than just show up in this charming and instructive guide to a good life. He shares lessons learned as a husband, a father, a lawyer, a philanthropist, and a citizen. Showing up for life is a gift of great value.”
—Tom Brokaw

source:-

• http://www.randomhouse.com/book/58671/showing-up-for-life-by-bill-gates-sr-and-mary-ann-mackin/9780385527026/#praise
• http://www.thegatesnotes.com/Books/Personal/Showing-Up-for-Life

Inspiration~ Happy Father's day! by Bill Gates

Dad and I near the Olympic Sculpture Park in Seattle.

June 14, 2013 | By Bill Gates

On Father's Day

This week, my father got a lifetime achievement award from the University of Washington as a distinguished member of the alumni. They recognized something that Melinda and I see every day: his remarkable energy and commitment to making the world a better place. I like to keep most of these blog posts focused on the work I’m doing and the things I’m learning, but with Father’s Day coming up, this award seemed like a good chance to talk a bit about my dad.

As I’ve said before, my dad is the man I aspire to be. I especially admire his sense of integrity. He is one of the wisest and most calm people I know. And he taught me a lot about how to think.

Dad is a retired attorney, and I think I inherited his lawyer’s approach to analyzing problems. I spent a lot of Sunday dinners listening to Dad talk about work with my mom, who was very involved in the United Way in Seattle and at the national and international levels. They might discuss a case Dad was working on or an issue that Mom was dealing with through the United Way. Eventually I started joining in the conversations, and they were very influential years later when I got involved in philanthropy.


Melinda and I toasting Dad.

I feel very lucky that I get to work with my dad at the foundation, and that the team there gets to learn from him. Last month, Melinda gave the commencement speech at Duke University, her alma mater, and encouraged the students to spend their lives making the world a better place. I can’t think of a better example of someone who has done that than my father.

What’s amazing to me is that, even at age 87, he’s not done yet. This week I’ve been thinking back to something he said after Mom died. The family was having dinner together at home. Dad sat us down and told us not to worry about him. He said he still had ten good years left in him.

That was 19 years ago, and I’m glad to say he’s still going strong. Happy Father’s Day, Dad.

Ideas for life~ Solution is the right way ! Not bragging about Past with anger or sadness or disappointment !

Photo source :)

Ideas for life~ 7 Cardinal Rules in Life

Photo source: Peaceful Warrior :)

Discovery~ The 46 Year Pregnancy

Android~ "WAZE" Top GPS application in Android market

Yes good news indeed! Waze is the best GPS app in the smartphone Market! Highly recommended user to test it out when you want reports on "trafficjam" especially in Malaysia!

(Reuters) - Google Inc is in talks to buy Waze, an Israeli mapping start-up that has held discussions with several large technology companies, two sources familiar with the matter told Reuters on Friday.

Google's discussions with Waze, which one of the sources told Reuters remained fluid and could change in tenor at any time, come amid reports Facebook is willing to pay $1 billion for the crowd-sourced service, which relies on information provided by its 47 million members to craft its mobile-oriented maps.

By buying Waze, the Internet search giant would prevent the company from falling into the hands of Facebook, which is delving deeper into mobile technology as it tries to grow its user base.... read more

image source

Ideas for life~ try not to avoid the suffers

Picture source

Self development~ Make Pain Pleasure, Self motivation

Sources of Insight

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Make Pain Pleasurable Posted: 24 May 2013 08:20 AM PDT "The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be." – Ralph Waldo Emerson Many activities are not inherently pleasant. Many activities don't produce natural rewards. How do you motivate yourself when the activity is not inherently pleasant, or not inherently motivating? What can you do to motivate yourself and others to do the things that need to be done, or you should do, or are good for you … but you don't want to do them, or don't like to do them? Luckily, there are plenty of ways to motivate yourself and others to do activities that are not inherently fun or not inherently rewarding.  That is, if you know how. In the book, Influencer: The Power to Change Anything, authors Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, David Maxfield, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler show us how. These authors know their stuff, and they are great at turning insight into action. The key is to make pain pleasurable. The Biggest Motivators of Excellence are Intrinsic You can pave the path of personal excellence from the inside out. In Influencer: The Power to Change Anything, the authors write: "In short, as you think about the problems you're trying to resolve, don't be afraid to draw on the power of intrinsic satisfiers.  As Don Berwich so aptly stated: 'The biggest motivators of excellence are intrinsic.  They have to do with people's accountability to themselves.  It's wanting to do well, to be proud, to go home happy, having accomplished something.'  Berwick recognizes that people have a powerful desired to do what's right.  Harnessing that intrinsic desire is a far more powerful influence tool than using extrinsic rewards or exacting punishment." We Can Transcend Our Own Nature To motivate yourself, it helps to know that a characteristic of human nature is to transcend our own nature. According to psychiatrist M. Scott Peck: "Just because a desire or behavior is natural, odes not meant it is … unchangeable … it is also natural … to never brush our teeth.  Yet we teach ourselves to do the unnatural.  Another characteristic of human nature — perhaps the one that makes us more human — is our capacity to do the unnatural, to transcend and hences transform our own nature." Make the Activity Itself More Attractive To motivate yourself, you need to find ways to make the activity more inherently attractive. In In Influencer: The Power to Change Anything, the authors write: "The promise here is significant.  If we can find a way to change the feeling associated with a vital behavior, we can make compulsive bad habits feel as disgusting as going to bed with gritty teeth.  And we can make formerly unappealing activities become as satisfying as brushing our teeth.  And if you miss this important concept, whenever you try to motivate yourself or others to change behavior, you'll turn to perks and wisecracks rather than find ways to make the activity itself more inherently attractive." Create New Experiences and Create New Motives You can change reactions to previously neutral or negative behaviors by creating new experience, or changing why people do something. In Influencer: The Power to Change Anything, the authors write: "So, if we shouldn't poke people with sharp sticks as a way of propelling them away from their inappropriate behavior, what's left?  Actually, there are two very powerful and ethical ways of helping humans change their reaction to a previously neutral or noxious behavior: creating new experiences and creating new motives." You Can't Just Talk People Into It While you can spend a lot of time painting a picture of the vision, and explaining the benefits, unfortunately, that alone doesn't work. In Influencer: The Power to Change Anything, the authors write: "These arguments are easy to make but hard to sell because they involve verbal persuasion and the people you're talking to don't understand the language.  You're describing activities and outcomes for which they have no frame of reference, and you're then asking them to make enormous and immediate sacrifices (no gang, no drugs, no freedom) in order to achieve them.  It won't work.  It can't work." Try It, You'll Like It Get people to try it.  This is the "Try it, you'll like it approach."  Psychologist Daniel Gilbert taught us that we're awful at predicting our own likes and dislikes.  We're often wrong when we predict we won't like a new behavior.  Try it anyway. In Influencer: The Power to Change Anything, the authors write: "So Dr. Silbert simply plods forward, demanding that residents try studying for a class, attending the opera, mentoring another student, and so forth.  Experience has taught her that if residents try  new behaviors, they end up liking many if not most of them.  Okay, perhaps few become opera fans.  Nevertheless, over 90 percent come to enjoy dozens of behaviors they never would have imagined if they'd one day enjoy." Vicarious Experience If you can't get people to try something, sometimes the best way to motivate someone is to share a story that people can relate to, and vicariously experience the impact.   The key is emotion and empathy. In Influencer: The Power to Change Anything, the authors write: "The 'try it, you'll like it' strategy can be further aided by the use of models.  Many of our influencer masters have found that vicarious experience can work in situations where they can't get people to try a vital behavior based on faith alone.  For example, as you recall from an earlier chapter, Miguel Sabido inspired hundreds of thousands of illiterate Mexicans to sign up for literacy programs by engaging them in the story of a man just like them — someone who was 'too old to learn.'  Someone who was initially unwilling to bear the shame of sitting in a class with much younger people and admitting his 'defect.'" Make it a Game Fun and feedback are a powerful way to create change.  People like to feel like they're making progress. In Influencer: The Power to Change Anything, the authors write: "Keeping scores produces clear, frequent feedback that can transform tasks into accomplishments that, in turn, can generate intense satisfaction.  The designers of many of today's video games have an intuitive feel for Dr. Csikszentmihalyi's research and have used it to create games that call for highly repetitive activities that end up being amazingly addictive as individuals strive for that next level of achievement." Connect to a Person's Sense of Self Many activities are not naturally rewarding, so the 'try it, you'll like it strategy' doesn't always work.  Also, it's difficult to turn every activity into a game through constant feedback.  In this case, you can find your motivation by investing yourself in the activity. In Influencer: The Power to Change Anything, the authors write: "Unpleasant endeavors require a whole different sort of motivation that can come only from within.  People stimulate this internal motivation by investing themselves in an activity.  That is, they make the activity an issue of personal significance.  Succeeding becomes more than the challenge of reaching the next level of a video game — it becomes a measure of who they are.  They set high standards of who they'll be, high enough to create a worthy challenge, and then they work hard to become that very person." It's the Lack of Thought that Enables Bad Behavior Thoughtless behaviors and auto-pilot can lead to unintentional bad behaviors. In Influencer: The Power to Change Anything, the authors write: "Often humans react to their immediate environments as if they were on autopilot.  They don't pause to consider how their immediate choices reflect their ideals, values, or moral codes.  The connections between their actions and personal standards are rarely 'top of mind.'  Michael Davis calls this failure to connect values to action, 'microscopic vision.'  Ellen Langer calls it 'mindlessness.'  Patricia Werhane prefers to refer to it as a lack of 'moral imagination.' No matter their terms, each of the scholars was referring to the human tendency to burrow into mundane details while failing to consider how they connect to our values, morals, and personal standards.  This means that when we make horrific and costly mistakes, more often than not we're not purposefully choosing to do bad things.  It's almost as if we're not choosing at all.  It's the lack of thought, not the presence of thought, that enables our bad behavior." Connect Behavior to Values If you connect behavior to your values, then you can establish connections and consequences that you might otherwise miss. In Influencer: The Power to Change Anything, the authors write: "When we inspect our actions from a moral perspective, we're able to see consequences and connections that otherwise remain blocked from our view.  Renowned psychologist Dr. Stanton Peele reports that taking  a broader moral perspective enables humans to face and overcome some of their toughest life challenges.  In fact, Peele has been able to systematically demonstrate that this ability to connect to broader values predicts better than any other variable who will be able to give up addictive and long-lasting habits and who won't.  Peele has found that individuals who learn how to reconnect their distant but real values to their current behavior can overcome the most addictive of habits — cocaine, heroine, pornography, gambling, you name it." Shine the Spotlight on Human Consequences It's easy to lose the human touch.  It's easy to get desensitized with information overload, or a bunch of facts and figures in a spreadsheet.  It's then just as easy to make bad choices despite good intentions.  The key is to rehumanize things by using real people, real examples, and having empathy for your impact. In Influencer: The Power to Change Anything, the authors write: "Now for a corporate application.  If you're a leader attempting to break down silos, encourage collaboration, and engage teamwork across your organization, take note.  Moral disengagement always accompanies political, combative, and self-centered behavior.   You'll see this kind of routine moral disengagement in the form of narrow labels ('bean counters,' 'gear heads,' 'corporate,' 'the field,' 'them,' and 'they') used to dehumanize other individuals or groups.  To reengage people morally — and to rehumanize targets that people readily and easily abuse — drop labels and substitute names.  Confront self-serving and judgmental descriptions of other people and groups.  Finally, demonstrate by example the need to refer to individuals by name and with respect for their needs." Confronting Demons Does NOT Motivate Change Confrontation doesn't motivate change.  In some cases, it can make it worse. In Influencer: The Power to Change Anything, the authors write: "A reigning but inaccurate assumption in counseling is that confrontation motivates change.  But despite all the hoopla about family interventions and counselor-led confrontations, William Miller learned that forcing people to face their demons along with their friends, colleagues, and therapists who hates those demons also didn't work.  In fact, in one study, he found that confrontation actually increased alcoholic binging.  This les Miller in a different direction.  He began to explore the opposite.  What if the counselor merely helped patients figure out what they wanted rather than what their fed-up friends wanted?" Motivational Interviewing If getting preachy or having people confront their demons doesn't work, then what does?  Honor choice.  Lead the horse to water.   If they find the water, and it's their choice, they'll drink. In Influencer: The Power to Change Anything, the authors write: "With the new question, Miller discovered that the best way to help individuals reconnect their existing unhealthy behaviors to their long-term values was to stop trying to control their thoughts and behaviors.  You must replace judgment with empathy, and lectures with questions.  If you do so, you gain influence.  The instant you stop trying to impose your agenda on others, you eliminate the fight for control.  You sidestep irrelevant battles over whose view of the world is correct. The discovery led Miller to develop an influence method called motivational interviewing.  Through a skillful use of open and nondirective questions, the counselor helps others examine what is most important to them and what changes in their life might be required in order for them to live according to their values.  When you listen and they talk, they discover on their own what they must do.  Then they make the necessary changes." If you haven't been effective in driving change or motivating yourself, maybe you can use one nugget from above, or one piece of insight, to change your approach and get unstuck and get real results.. Are you ready to change anything? You Might Also Like 101 Ways to Motivate Yourself and Others 13 Motivation Techniques 13 Negative Motivation Patterns Coercion is a Deadly Enemy of Motivation Discipline vs. Motivation Find Your Drive – The Keys to Motivation Image by stevendepelo.

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